So, I took the leap...

I did it. I really did it...I moved to Los Angeles. Well, Santa Monica, to be exact. I'm here to pursue my acting career. Well, that's how I started out this journey...

Here's the thing: It's my first week, and I've basically scared the crap out of myself. I think I've gone insane, and I've been begging my nearest and dearest to come take me back to a mental health facility in Tulsa, because all of the ones in Cali are way too expensive. Okay, so it's not that bad, but I don't do well with change. I had to stop thinking in order to make the move to begin with. Now, my thoughts have caught up with me. And they are saying, "What the hell were you thinking?!?!"

Okay, so it's fantastic if I can get out of my thoughts. I'm staying with a friend, and living virtually rent-free until I get enough jobs to help out with rent. Also, I live in one of the best neighborhoods you could live in. Also, it's absolutely beautiful here. The weather is perfect, everything is perfectly manicured and maintained, and the ocean is 3 miles away. Also, I've already got a few production jobs lined up and a couple of small acting roles to do...all of which pay. So, all in all, I've got it pretty sweet. I'm just out of my element. I'm a Virgo...it takes time for us to become adjusted and acquainted with our surroundings. Even with the adjusting, I can handle myself on the road and I'm able to find the places I need to get to. Life is good...

There are other things I'm processing, too. There are things I've left behind. People keep referring to my move as a clean break, but it really wasn't. Yes, all of my personal belongings are sold (minus my sofa), but I'm referring to unfinished business. School is one of those items, but it was a dead end for me anyway. Not that I'm not fantastic in school, just the degree was not for me. I will find something to finish my degree in that I actually enjoy doing. There's this thing I do called "pleasing others," and I think I was trying to please my family. Well, I'm getting that I'm the important one, and I need to do what's right for me. They will be happy if I'm happy. So, there ya go...I basically realized that it was a problem when I would go to school 6 days a week to workout, but couldn't seem to get to the 2 classes I had there during the week. Yeah, not my cup of tea.

Then, there's relationship stuff. I'm talking my relationship with everyone, including myself. I've been on this journey of finding my peace and really taking care of me for almost a year now. Last night, I caught myself saying that I wasn't sure what I was doing in Santa Monica. I mean, I get the gist of it, but there's more to this than the career. There's something about me that I'm searching to discover, and I guess I couldn't find it in Tulsa. Maybe I need to see how I live without all of my security blankets. I don't really know yet...

So many thoughts are running through my head at any given minute right now. I don't really physically miss Tulsa or my family or friends yet. I mean, it's only been 5 days since I left town. I'm thinking 3 weeks will be the determining factor for me. However, I will be right in the middle of filming, so...we'll see. Getting busy is key right now, so that's my focus.

I do get my happiness can only be found in me, but sometimes you have to take yourself out of your comfort zone to really be able to get to it. I know that I won't be in Santa Monica forever, but for this season. Then, there will be a new season. I'm not sure what that looks like, but I will know when I'm supposed to. I'm not even sure how long this season will last, but again...I will know when I'm supposed to. This is my sabbatical...I will enjoy the journey.

To my family, friends, and loved ones...thank you for allowing me to go on this journey. Hopefully, there is something we can all learn from this adventure. Love always...